Being aware.  I’ve viewed this as an important part of Life for many years.  To the point of it almost being a sport, to notice how unaware others seem (to me) to choose to live.  Some are living  in such a remarkably unaware state, I’ve wondered how they managed to survive.

This awareness, has been quite heavily leaned on the logical, cold, side of life.  It is walking into a room, and noticing things are different from the last time you were here.  Seeing how that cable being unplugged from the wall *MIGHT* be the problem (and wondering why anyone else before me did not just plug it back in themselves.  and cursing the person who unplugged it, not putting it back like they found it).  Or, pondering a problem and thinking my way towards a solution, most appropriate for the situation surrounding the problem.  Or, waking up this day, knowing I missed the Tuesday night deadline for this topic I had in mind.

Situational Awareness.  This is the phrase I would mention, think of, tout as being a great thing others should try to be better at.  I got to be rather arrogant about this, to be bluntly honest, dear reader.  I’d pat myself on the back in a congratulatory way, shake my head at the unaware, feeling sorry for them.  See how there are some hints of emotion here in those phrases?

I’ve noticed, in times past, how I was missing something.  Things would happen, and the next thing I knew, those around me were upset, emotional.  Usually at me, for what I had said or done, or not said and done, just a few moment before.  My Situational Awareness could note a problem event, but did not have much if any clue as to how it happened, or how to make it better.  At my worst, I’d brush it aside and try to move on towards more logical problems to be solved.

For a number of weeks now, my Emotional Awareness has (finally?) being growing, catching up to, supplementing the Situational Awareness.  Those who follow what I say in Twitter or Facebook have probably noted sentences from me that seemed… emotional.  I’ve wondered aloud why Life has to be so Hard.  Which, logically, I’ve known for years.  “Life is Hard, Get a Helmet” use to be a mantra of mine.  I’d say to others as a way of telling them to suck it up, get over it, move on.  I’ve tacked on the concept of putting on the “armor of G-d” to go with the Helmet part of that phrase.  Thinking that was clever.  But emotionally?  Not having a clue.

Maybe I needed all of these years since high school (and that is getting to be a large number of years) to finally wake up emotionally?  I’ve likened this to the deaf suddenly hearing, the latent telepath suddenly being overwhelmed with the thoughts of those near by.  Sensory Overload.

Recent events, changes in how Life needed to be lived, have flipped some manner of switch for me.  Emotions for me are much closer to the surface now.  They use to be buried pretty deep.  And that has brought me Emotional Awareness, such that now I can sense another person hurting, same as the way I could walk into a room and see the problem needing my attention.

So, I’ve experienced the hurt others find themselves enduring.  And it makes we wonder how we are not all completely mad, out of our minds insane.  It has made me ask, for others to read,  about why Life has to be so Hard, Mean, Rough.

I’ve realized I was keeping myself guarded, emotionally.  Thinking that was the way to stay safe, unharmed.  But True Awareness, knowing all there is about Life Situations, has to involve emotion.  I use to think safety was found in not caring, not loving.  That seems so false now.

True Safety in Life?  It involves caring, loving.

It has been a rough at times to experience this True Awareness.  There is no going back now.  I cannot get out of the real sunlight, and go back into the cave to watch the shadows on the wall (thanks for the Allegory, Plato).  So, here’s to another day, of basking in the light of reality.


~ by Neal Cross on August 25, 2010.

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